So what am I doing now?
Well the weather is starting to break and I have been starting to plan what I am going to do this spring and this is the list I have got!
To do list:
Work on house, build a studio work space, raise $10,000 to start the recycled rose program, build furniture, finish the kitchen, collect a few 1000 pine cones and acorns, make a whole line of coffee burlap stuff, build a bunch of stuff from pallet wood, collect vintage fabric, re-launch on kickstarter, oh and somewhere in that mix I need to make a video and share my story....
And of all the things on that list the one thing I keep getting stuck on is "tell my story:" I have never hid from the fact that I was homeless, but the idea of sharing my experience with the world scares me to death. Oh my God! I purposely took out the "ABOUT ME" section because I didn't want to write anything, why in the world would I wanna do it on film. Well that is exactly what I need to do, I need a video for kickstarter, explaining The Recycled Rose Program and why its important to me and I cannot explain that without explaining me!!! GRRRRR!
Practice Makes Perfect, Right?
Well I have practiced, 43 takes to be exact and I cannot get through it without crying. I have been NOT homeless for over a year and half now and just reading about other peoples stories gets me all emotional and gushy. WTF! is wrong with me? I should probably explain that last statement, I in no way think anything is wrong with me, but in no way shape or form am I the emotional type. I'm a Jersey Girl! Born and raised, sarcastic, I drop the f-bomb, in every other sentence, I don't hold my tongue, I say it like it is, I haven't sugar coated anything since I was like 10, I completely know who I am and am perfectly happy with who that person is, So WHY am I having such a hard time with this.
You need to get a grip, its just a freaking video
Leave it to a friend to point out the obvious.
Wise friend (aka camera girl) says "Hey Nicole, your crying cause it still hurts. Its always gonna hurt, ten years from now, its still gonna hurt. Its supposed to hurt. It should hurt everyone, but until you have experienced it , you don't understand it and that is why you have to share your story. I love you and sorry to break it to you but YES you have to do this, even if you tear up or cry, its real and honest and true and that is who you are.I have got news for you, you are a marshmallow wrapped in barbed wire."
Sarcastic me says, " I'm a what wrapped in what?(smirking), ok that's probably the best description of me EVER EVER EVER!"
Wise friend, " Umm but you do know that in order to tell the story, you have to be able to speak clearly,so all this crying and emotional stuff is gonna have to drop a notch or two, or this video is gonna turn into one of those crazy ladies crying on YouTube, its not a bloopers video!Maybe you should try some exercises for the soul."
An Exercise for the Soul:
Some exercises for my what? So my wise friend suggested I do some exercises for my soul. What she suggested is that I get out some of the stories and some of the experiences that I experienced while being homeless, and to talk about and share some of the angels I met along the way.
And so...my pizza angel:
So here it is: When I first moved into the shack house, I literally moved with nothing but clothes. I didn't move by myself I moved in with Joe ( I know I don't mention him often, but he is the other half, he is an angel for another post). The only thing we had was a blow up mattress we purchased to sleep on. I had posted an ad on craigslist explaining our situation, where we had been, where we are going (very short blurb nothing at all like an all about me video) and that we were looking for some basic things( dishes pots pans maybe a few blankets) just enough to get us by until we could buy some things.
Joe and I fought over me putting the ad up, well partly for his false pride issues, but he also did not believe anyone would help us, because officially we were no longer homeless. And I don't honestly know why I did I just figured it couldn't hurt, so why not? But the whole time I kept thinking, I have been through so much in the last 2 years, that this, this is a cake walk. The entire time I was homeless I never gave up and I always had faith, and faith that was renewed every single day by a stranger angel. I know it totally sounds like "stranger danger", but lets just call is Stranger Angels. (Yes I totally made it up) . Point being I put the ad up anyway, because what harm could it do. I had included some pictures of what the house looked like in the post.We had gotten a ton of responses.
Well enter Mike (my pizza angel). He had called me and said he would like to stop by and take a look at what we were working with. Well he showed up, took a little tour, and then not less than 5 minutes later looks at me and was like, I'm gonna run home, but do you mind if I come back later. He was probably scared to death after looking at how bad the house was. I didn't think he was gonna come back.But to my surprise, he showed back up about an hour later with a bunch of leftover paint, some wood, and some old tools that Joe could use, and as quick as he showed up, he left just as quick. He was a guy and I know most of em aren't talkers like me, and so again I thought that was the end of Mike.
Then two hours later, he knocks again, but this time Joe answered the door.Now of course they start talking and men speak some other kinda language. This time Mike showed up with a pick up truck and in it was a couch, 2 end tables, a lamp, a TV, a VCR, and a bunch of movies. He says he knows how boring it is to be in a house with no furniture, and no TV, he apologized for not bringing a nicer one, but said he figured we wouldn't mind and at least we would have something to watch and most of this was in his garage from when his daughter went to college. He also apologized for the color of the couch which was bright purple (used to be his daughters I assumed) .I thanked him profusely and he didn't really say all that much, he was not a talker, lol. But OMG I was so happy to have a place to sit. I mean we were just sitting on the mattress in our room just staring at the mod podge of colors on our ceiling. And everything else extra he brought was awesome, Imean all I asked for were like spare dishes and stuff and now we had a blow up mattress and had furniture...OH HAPPY DANCE!
Joe and I were so excited to have stuff again! Well we were getting ready for bed a few hours later and we hear a knock at the door. I of course laughed and was like its probably Mike again, nope not Mike, it was a dominoes delivery guy. I could hear Joe telling the guy he must have the wrong house, we just moved in that day, so he must have been confused. I hear the door close, and I didn't think anything of it, but not two seconds later I hear Joe: " Babe, you wont believe this."
I come out into the living and Joe's face had a funny look of shock. There Joe was in the living room with 2 boxes of stuff from dominoes and soda. On the box was a note that said " I noticed you didn't have a refrigerator or oven yet, dinner is on me. Welcome Home"...signed Mike.
And every evening for the next TWO weeks, until we got our refrigerator and oven delivered, we got the same knock at the door, with a very grateful heart.....dedicated to my pizza angel.